Day by Day

How blissfully the months have gone by! I wish that was true in all aspects of my life here in Cambodia, but it has most definitely been blissful in my new apartment, including the wonderful house-warming party where I hosted volunteers from Kratie and around Cambodia. I'm really sinking in to my Cambodian life, and have had a lot of revelations over the past few months: some good, some bad. I'm just taking it day by day and we'll see what happens.

In my work life,
my emphasis has been on keeping busy and producing activities and actions in my placement.I did a bunch of gender mainstreaming activities and went to Battambang with some partners on a learning exchange. Since VSO had a budget for these activities, I thought it best to take advantage of the opportunity. But I've been told by some that this is not what the partners want (but, let's be honest, old men rarely ask for gender training!). They say 'yes' but don't really mean it. I knew this coming in, but when someone tells you what you want to hear, it can be hard to question that. As I've said before, my partners are old and old fashioned, and even young Khmer people have trouble pleasing them and respecting them in the correct way. My youth and beauty (haha), not to mention my gender, has taken my respectability level down a few notches, not to mention my limited Khmer.

But I can't place all of the blame on my counterparts. I have been working within VSO's mandate and the western development ideology of M&E and results, results. What are your outcomes? What are your inputs? How do we measure this? I've been much too strict with myself in my partner in this regard. I need to be more flexible and take more direction from my partners. They don't seem to like it when you are proactive. As an Advisor, I need to be 'hands off'. For me, I see it as, "Here are some great ideas and let's do them!" For them it's, "Ask us how we're doing and give advice only when we ask." I'm not sure that I am patient enough for that. My VA (and others) say that I should build relationships, engage in small talk and go out for coffee with people. I guess I am intimidated by the language barrier as I find it difficult to build relationships when I can't really speak to people because a) my Khmer b) no one is there c) they giggle and run away! I will keep trying. I will also try not to occupy myself so much that it appears to them that I am busy and they don't want to interrupt me. They always say "You are so busy!" Meanwhile, I am just trying to set a good example and not play solitaire out in the open like the staff does. But I do have a sinking suspicion that my advice may never be requested. What do I do then?

In other news, it was Khmer New Year last week and I travelled with friends to Koh Kong province. It was a nice break and I feel rejuvenated! I am going to ride this vacation high until I go to meet my sister and her partner in Vietnam on May 1st. I don't mind taking 3 weeks of holiday to celebrate my birthday, which happens to fall on the King's birthday here in Cambodia and is celebrated with another week off!

There have also been a lot of comings and goings of volunteers in the past few months. It seems strange to me that I have been here for almost 11 months now. It has gone by so quickly and yet I am not sure how much longer I will stay. There are always other opportunities. I haven't started to seek them out yet, but I can see that two years with this partner may be too much for me. Like I said, I'm taking it day by day. And, for the next month or so, that's not gonna be too hard.

The internet is slow...pictures to follow!